Call me a softy but…

I really liked this

Playing For Change | Song Around The World “Stand By Me” from Concord Music Group on Vimeo.

Dressing up

Something else you may have not known about me:

Despite my usual sloppy image, I like to dress up fancy sometimes I don’t know why, its not like I actually really clean up nice or anything, its just an interesting chane once in a while. Actually I just bought a new sports coat this previous week. Too bad I really don’t have a lot of opportunity to wear such things. Suggestions/ideas?

Jesus

Comments on my blog

And accesses the internet via MIT Internet

Edit:

Jen is jesus, it turns out

Trying to Woo

So I should be programming for a class project, but I need a break, so instead I’m going to write a “Now you know more about me” post. This is one of those posts that makes me wish I had kept this blog in closer circles, and away from family, but, oh well.

As most of you know, I am super experienced with relationships. I have had all of zero girlfriends, and could count the number of dates I’ve been on on my fingers. And thats cos I am not even sure what constitutes a date, actually that nags at me a lot, what counts/doesn’t count. I was probably better at talking to girls in high school, MIT has ruined some part of me that provides a sense of self-esteem, so my self-appraised value is super low. So, from the get-go, I assume any girl that I’m interested in is too good for me, and that I’m waaay out of my league.

In high school I was almost always nursing a crush on some nice girl, who was almost always also a close friend, making progress pretty much impossible. Since coming to MIT, and for the first time admitting my feelings to someone (and getting shot-down) I hadn’t really maintained any sort of crush/relationship-desire thing.

Rather recently I have developed feelings for a girl, chances are you already know who it is, if you read this. Unlike… well pretty much every other time in my life, I am actually trying to make some sort of pursuit, and try and make it obvious that I am interested. This has led me to really REALLY realizing the point of this point:
My experience with human interaction in the context of a significant relationship is woefully inadequate.

I really dont know how to channel these feelings in a constructive manner, since I am more used to just keeping them inside. I don’t know if asking someone to go somewhere with me, just me, qualifies as a date or just hanging out or what. I find it necessary to send an effing postcard with a shitty limerick (I am dabbling in poetry a tiny little bit) to the wrong god damn address, only so I can try again by writing a ultra shitty sonnet. I’m lucky that I have such good friends, who are understanding of my stupidity, because otherwise I’d be utterly fucked.

On the other hand, those same friends all in relationships that were pretty much handed to them. The majority are in relationships between them & someone else who lived in the dorm. Sounds convienent! On the other hand, I get to either

• a.)Write an email, and be at the mercy of their response, or even worse, lack of response
• b.)stalk them, and find them in real-life, which I just won’t do
• c.) wait until I see them in real-life, when: I don’t know

I am just tired of trying so hard for something that… in the end, I REALLY have little control over. I don’t know if I prefer just ignoring my feelings, but I think I do miss not having them.

-Rodeo, who envies robots.

p.s. This is my limerick

Postcards are best with a limerick/
’specially when written by Nick/
How are you doing?/
This is me wooing/
I hope it will do just the trick!

Not Emo

So, I’ve been pretty emo, and its been unfortunate, but thats how I’ve been feelin’

So instead, I’m gonna tell you about a recent project.

So I’m bored with my photography project, taking pictures of fake nature or some nonsense like that. So I’m creating some nature of my own. I’m building a tree, out of pvc. It’s gonna be BOSS. I’ll post pictures when I’m done. Think I should make them real fake lookin or try and bend them up like real branches:?

Busy Busy Busy

I have so much I should be doing, but I just don’t care enough to do it. I feel bored, uninspired, and disconnected from everything. I know its very important to do all this work, but I just can’t find the drive to do it. Last time I felt like this (my sophomore year), it turned out I was clinically depressed, and I was put on medication, which helped quite a lot. When I realized this, I made an appointment with MIT Mental health, luckily I also still have meds left over from last time, so I can start getting over this asap

It does take time, like 2-3 weeks before I level out. For now I still have to somehow find a reason to do all this, cos grades don’t wait. Ideas?

Nick’s FanFic

I was at the mall with a beautiful woman when suddenly… WEEOOWEEEOOO! It was sirens! We turned around quick to see paramedics struggling to bring a man back to life, fighting against gods will to snatch him back from the grave. “DON’T YOU DIE ON ME YOU BASTARD” one man screamed, the tears welling in his eyes, “NOT TODAY!!” He pumped his heart, again and again, trying to do what no man could do. His partner pulled him back “he’s gone… you tried but… he’s…” “NO! Don’t say that! Don’t….” slowly the lobby filled with the sound of the man’s soft sobbing… he tried his best… but it wasn’t enough… my name is Adalberto Nicholas Garza… and I saw a man die today…

Good dreams

Are sometimes nightmares in disguise. They haunt you all day.
I had a dream, where I was happy. And when I woke up all I could feel was that lack of happiness. Thats all I can feel right now. That vacuum where my happiness SHOULD be.

Its not even a matter of feeling sad or angry or anything like that, just a distinct lack of joy or… any sort of good feeling….

:-|…

I apologize for what must be my most emo post thusfar

I wish I was more adventerous

This is a hideously boring post

After nightwatch I showered up and headed to the photography store. I walk to Kendall, shuttle to the mall, walk to Calumet, buy some film, and wait for the shuttle.

The shuttle arrives, empties, and I get in.
When I say empties, I mean it, the bus driver has left to get coffee or something, and the bus is just sitting there, with only me in it, idling.

I wanted to steal that bus so bad. I just kept running scenarios through my mind, wondering what i would do, what would happen to me if I did. How could they trace me? Am I recognizable? How far could I take this thing? Would it be an adventure? Or would i just rev it into another car and be sent to jail?

Of course, I didn’t do it, but its true

Adventure is just one mistake away I guess.

How I will improve the world

Weaponized Monster trucks!!!!

No, fuck you Furry. Not monster trucks.

I am going to find, date, and marry a nice asian woman.

Then she’s going to bear my seed, creating half asian-children, half-mexican children, which will be, as far as I can tell, ultimate. Not for me, obviously, I am -not- THAT bad of a person, but for the world. Someday, maybe, some young man will thank me for my foresight. And I will shoot him in the kneecap and tell him to keep his hands off my blue-ribbon daughter until they are married.

Its too late for me, I am ruined, I can’t do anything myself to change the world, but maybe, JUST MAYBE my ultimate genetically planned children will be able to.